Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I've Seen Diamonds Cut Through Harder Men

When I was four or five, I used to spend a lot of time with my dad at Auburn University. I played Disney games on his computer in his office, or I sat in a desk in his classroom and colored while he lectured. I even cleaned the blackboards when I got bored. My dad works on the third floor of Allison Lab. And I would always take the elevator up and down to his office, even though the building only has three stories. (Fun fact: Dr. Fred Allison, of whom the building was named after, is credited with the discovery of the element astatine in 1931 - back when AU was called the Alabama Polytechnic Institute).

For the past few weeks, I've been observing a physics class taught by Dr. Simon. During my down time, I sit in my dad's office like I used to - only now I read Julius Ceasar and A Clockwork Orange (when Shakespeare gets unbearable), as opposed to coloring. Everything about the buildings is the same - from the thin layer of chalk dust that covers pretty much every surface, to the echoey lecture halls in Parker Hall. And one thing in particular that bugs me a little:

Allison Lab has only one women's bathroom in the entire building that's located on the second floor. I vaguely remember always having to go downstairs to get to the bathroom when I was little. But now that I actually stop to think about it - I only know of one female member of the faculty in the physics department. Her name is Yu Lin - I don't remember much about her other than that my dad used to drive her to the airport and that she wears leather skirts, and that she had some medical problem with her neck a while ago. Something about fish. A lack of eating fish.

Anyway. Yu Lin's office is located, of course, on the second floor of Allison. Along with the secretaries and other female employees. So, I wonder: is there really that much of a male prevalence at the university - or the science community in general? And has it been that way for so long that the people who built Allison didn't have reason to build more than one women's bathroom?

Maybe things will be different in ten years - when our generation replaces theirs. But off the record: does anyone know of a girl in our class (or at all) that's majoring in physics? Because I can really only think of Joanna Lucero, that girl from Lindy Focus. And that's not enough.

In other news, I made it through a good part of A Clockwork Orange in my dad's office today. A few points:
1) It's addictive.
2) When I read the first page, I was thrown and confused. I wanted to text Sara and sarcastically ask if any of the words on that first page were real. Anthony Burgess came up with a diction of "teenage slang" that, at first, seems nonsensical. However, after reading more, it's actually pretty amazing how it affects your thinking - you start to piece together what some of the words mean (for example, "sharp" means woman, and "podooshka" is pillow). It's like learning to use context clues all over again. Anyway, chalk it up to one of the random things I get excited over that no one else cares for if you must.
3) Alex DeLarge reminds me of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho - they both have an intense passion for music and equate ultra-violence with their excitement.
4) Why is the Harry Potter series on the Notre Dame reading list under 'fantasy/futuristic novels' and A Clockwork Orange isn't?

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

But it's Sad and it's Sweet and I Knew it Complete

In 1998, I couldn't skip or kick a ball to a target. But I did however, speak in complete sentences, know my home address, appear emotionally stable, and use scissors 'effectively' (whatever that means). I was deemed ready for grade school.

And tonight (or, yesterday, really), I graduated from high school. It wasn't what I expected, somehow - maybe it's one of those things that you hold impossibly high expectations for and end up disappointed in the end. But 'disappointed' doesn't seem quite right - and I'm not sure what is. I have earned something. I'm just trying to figure out what.

Today, I flipped through an old issue of Vogue at Dimensions while Katy got her hair trimmed. I used to read things like Seventeen and Elle for various reasons, like fashion or beauty tips, etc. But today, after passing over a ridiculous number of advertisements, I settled on an article about facelifts. When I was about fourteen or so, I went to Dr. Rona Beth Holmes, a dermatologist here in Auburn, to have a mole under my collarbone removed. (Side note: Dr. Holmes actually ended up being my Duke University Alumni interviewer this spring). One of the first things I noticed was that her private practice office was nothing like the pediatrician's office. Instead of picture books and building blocks, there were fashion magazines and fitness guides. There were lotion samples and skin care regimens displayed as if it was a store. The next thing I noticed was that Dr. Holmes was very pretty, and rather young - another alternative to the pediatricians I've had. As an impressionable teenager, I found it fascinating that it was possible for someone to have their career based on both beauty and medicine.

The facelift article in Vogue was about a woman, now 68 years old, who, over the course of sixteen years, went through two invasive procedures (i.e. facelifts done by surgically cutting the skin and pulling it tighter) as well as newer, alternative procedures (i.e. laser treatment). I think when I first expressed my interest in the article to Katy, it came off as something along the lines of "Look, this woman looks great after the surgeries - I might consider this when I'm her age". Which isn't true - I have a weird aversion to surgeries that are designed to make you look younger. It's like you're lying to people without saying anything. What I really meant was: Look, this is what people are capable of doing to themselves. The article was about how technology has changed over the time between the woman's first face lift and now. When she had her first procedure at age 52, it involved a scalpel and common sense: if you don't want wrinkles, let's cut off the extra skin. (Katy, I'm trying not to be too graphic). But today, new technologies are available, like laser treatment and autologous fat transfer (using liposuction to take fat from the patient's abdomen or thighs and injecting it into parts of the face that appear "sunken in"). And the impressive part about the new technologies is that they're innovative - they utilize common knowledge in a way that requires less work to be done. For example, the skin is made up of several layers and sub-layers, the outermost of which is dead and will be shed quickly. Then, the subsequent layers grow until they die as well, and the body continues in this cycle. (Coincidentally, I was reading up on this stuff yesterday for no reason). With the knowledge that the body will continue to regenerate healthy skin cells, one of the ideas of using laser treatment is to destroy the top, "old" layer of skin, knowing that new, "young" cells will grow in their place.

I'm sure that entire spiel was pretty boring to most people who actually read it. I am quite aware that I find entertainment in things that others don't. But my point is that things change. When I first went to Dr. Holmes, I left considering a career in dermatology, simply because it supported healthy physical beauty. But now I realize that it's more than something as superficial as that - you have no idea how excited I was to get those two stitches below my clavicle.

Twelve years ago, I couldn't kick a ball to a target, or skip across a room. And today, I graduated from high school, reaffirmed my belief in science, and am one step closer to finding what makes me happy. Oh, and I kicked Neal's butt playing darts at Project Graduation. I guess I learned to aim at a target at some point as well.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Does This Make You Feel Safe?

Last week, I officially sent my enrollment deposit to the University of Notre Dame. Somehow, I thought everything after making the decision would be all down hill - however, there still lies the question of "how am I going to pay for it?".

When I wrote the first blog entry while filling out federal aid papers, I didn't fully understand exactly what I was doing. I think I was under the impression that receiving federal aid meant the government would give me money because I needed it - it didn't really occur to me that they would, but I'd have to pay it back, i.e. student loans - I just didn't make the connection.

On Friday night, I had to complete an online loan counseling session that taught me what my federal loan is and when I'm expected to pay it back. I'm getting two kinds of loans, a federal direct loan for $3,500 a year, which is from the U.S. Department of Education, and a federal Perkins loan for $2,400 a year, which comes from the university. In total, I'm borrowing $5,900 annually as of right now - I may have to borrow less depending on variable expenses like transportation and books, etc. The total estimated cost of a year at Notre Dame is about $53,000. For the first year, I'm getting about $32,000 a year on scholarship. Depending on if I decide to do the work study program for another $2,000 a year doing odd jobs for the university, we have to pay the balance of whatever's left.

However, my parents definitely don't have some $20,000 just laying around every year. So how do we make the difference?
Get another loan.

The loan process is actually rather efficient. It sounds rather scary to owe so much money, but the payment schedule is pretty reasonable. Upon graduating from Notre Dame, I'll owe about $24,000. After graduation, I have a six month "grace period" before I have to make my first payment within 60 days of the end of the grace period. I can choose from a range of payment plans that spread the total over 10-30 years. According to the chart, if I choose the standard plan, with my total I'll pay about $300 a month and be done in less than 10 years.

However, I'm not entirely sure where I'm going to get the money for med school...but I think we're just going to have to worry about that later, considering the idea of coming up with another $200,000 is not a very pretty idea.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Your Spotless Instincts are Valid

College tours: Day 4, Case Western Reserve University

Some good news is that I'm actually getting used to flying - most effectively when I'm knocked out cold. The smaller planes really aren't as bad, though. We left South Bend yesterday morning around 6am and flew to Detroit, Michigan (side note, this was the only airport that played a periodical recording about looking after yourself and what to do if someone looks sketchy). Then we flew to Cleveland, Ohio and took a $45 cab ride to Case. We stayed in an on-campus hotel called the Glidden House, which used to be some old historical building that they renovated into a lovely, classy little bed and breakfast place. I called Mara in the lobby and she met us there to go for lunch. She took us downtown to a section of the city called Little Italy, a cluster of Italian restaurants down the street from campus. After lunch, she showed me her dorm room and the residential area of campus. I had been slightly worried about visiting Cleveland after all the horror stories I've heard, but I actually found the city agreeable - simpler than New York, classier than Atlanta, and of course, more exciting than Auburn (or South Bend, for that matter - but more on that later). The campus area is definitely safe - especially with four different police departments looking out for the city. I could tell my dad didn't like the city though, despite it's good qualities, like research developments and unbelievable architecture - there are buildings that are built with minimal right angles, bricks and windows curving inwards except to meet a few city code regulations - I'll try to post pictures eventually.

Today, we got up early, had breakfast at the hotel, then headed down to the Case reception.

The biggest difference I noted between the Case and Notre Dame tours is that Case was much flashier with their welcome. They gave me souvenirs, colorful pamphlets, bookstore coupons, and were just so...accommodating and welcome. Notre Dame was much quieter - much more subtle.

Which leads me to the ultimate differences between the campuses and their respective cities. Notre Dame in South Bend was located towards the very outskirts of the city. If you were walking, you could tell when the campus was getting closer because everything would drop away - buildings, restaurants, etc - and leave a vast span of green grass (the only iffy part is that the next thing you see is a few areas fenced off with barbed wire - still not entirely sure what their obsession with the stuff is). But even after that, there's a bit more of a walk before you actually get to campus buildings. Everything there was peacefully quiet - respectful, yet friendly and welcoming. And there is literally so much life - but in the form of trees and grass and flowers and whatever those birds living on the lake were (ducks or geese or swans, etc.).

Case Western in Cleveland, on the other hand was completely different. The city has life in its own way - crowded with people who are constantly pushing and learning and improving - my definition of a large city. Places like that tend to be prosperous because they put so much effort into attracting people and building new things - good, honorable intentions. My favorite thing that I took note of was a two part makeshift bus bench that was actually two concrete word cutouts that said "Change Things". However, the city is divided, as most large cities are. There are safe parts, like campus and restaurants and churches, but if you go too far past any of those things - you're in a good amount of trouble.

Another largely attractive thing about Case's developmental progress is that so much of it is open to students. There are so many programs that delegate jobs and research opportunities and travelling primarily to Case students. There is no question that opportunities are available.

It's no question that Case has a better research program - you can go from undergrad to med school or law school, or grad studies all in the same campus - most things are guaranteed, if not promised. But Notre Dame, in contrast, is largely based on faith - in more ways than one in this situation. The way I see it, graduating from Notre Dame could lead to going on to a great med school, like Hannah. I could travel and do work to help developing countries. I feel like there's so much available - but I can't see it. I have no proof that the opportunities are there for me. And what happens after Notre Dame depends on how well I do in undergrad, anyway - and there's no way I can tell what's going to happen.

While faith is something that I lack, yet aspire towards, is it really enough grounds to base a future on?

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Would You Stay if She Promised You Heaven?

College tour: Day 2, University of Notre Dame

We arrived in South Bend, Indiana yesterday afternoon at around 3:00 or so. And I must say, flying for the first time in fourteen years was not pleasant by any means. We flew from Atlanta to Cincinnati, Ohio at around 11:45, then got on a smaller plane to get to South Bend at 2:00. The first flight was definitely the worst - I now know how weak of a physical tolerance I have :/ But the second flight wasn't as bad, since it was shorter and didn't need to reach a very high altitude in order to get to the next state.

After we settled in and had dinner at a Mediterranean restaurant across the street from the hotel, we walked down to the Notre Dame campus to get a feel of it on our own. The landscape there is BEAUTIFUL. Everything is so well taken care of. Notable things we saw at first walkthrough were: the Grotto, which is a small cave-like shrine to the Virgin Mary that people can go to and light candles for good vibes or to pray the rosary, etc. A statue of Jesus with his arms outstretched that had the phrase "Venite ad me omnes" (Come unto me all ye who are weary) engraved underneath it. Behind him and to his sides were weeds and dark, morbid-looking plants, but under the span of his arms is a spread of bright, blooming tulips. And, of course, the Golden Dome, which is the main building, but earned its nickname for the giant gilded gold dome on top.

Today we woke up early and had breakfast, then went back to campus for our official tour. First, we stopped by the Grotto and lit candles; mostly for fun, since neither my parents nor I are actually very religious at all. Then, we went to the Dome to meet our groups. I chose the tour guide Hannah, a senior at Notre Dame who majored in biology and is going to the University of Chicago for medical school in the fall (side note: she also got into UPenn Med). The first thing she told us was that the Golden Dome is gilded in real 23 karat gold, which is redone every year so always looks perfect. They use about a fist full of gold and hammer it until its paper thin, then cover the dome. And apparently, they take a little bit of the old gold and put flecks in the seal of your diploma when you graduate so that you can take a little piece of the dome with you when you leave.

Other notable things we saw/learned today include: Hannah told us that the Jesus statue I mentioned before is nicknamed "Jump, Mom, I'll catch you!" because there's a statue of the Virgin Mary on top of the Golden Dome, and Jesus has his arms outstretched - you get the picture. I thought it was cute. We also went through the library; the reading area is called "the fishbowl" because it's surrounded by glass and people in the lobby can stare at you if they want. On the back of the library is a huge mural of Jesus with his arms over his head. Ironically, this is directly across from the stadium, and so the mural is nicknamed "Touchdown Jesus". Also, the library is what the castle in Shrek was modeled after! Apparently, the script of Shrek was written by two Notre Dame graduates, who put a whole bunch of inside jokes about the campus in it. For example, Shrek is actually modeled after one of the science professors who is Scottish and has a thick accent, and King Farquad was named after one of the residential halls, which is nicknamed the Far Quad because it's pretty much on the other side of a lake. Oh, and the new science building cost over 70 million dollars!

Tomorrow, unfortunately, is another double flight. We leave South Bend around 8am and fly to Detroit, Michigan, then get on a connecting flight to Cleveland, Ohio. Apparently it was cheaper to fly around Ohio instead of going straight there. Then on Monday we'll go to Case Western. More on that to come.